One of the earliest social lessons children face is learning to share. Whether it’s a favorite toy, a snack, or time with a parent, the idea of sharing can be emotionally challenging for young children — and that’s completely normal.
As parents, we can guide this process with patience, consistency, and a deep understanding of child development.
Why Sharing Is So Hard for Kids
To adults, sharing seems like a basic act of kindness. But for children, especially those under the age of 6, ownership is tied to security and identity. Giving up a toy, even temporarily, can feel like losing a part of themselves.
Understanding that this reaction is developmentally normal helps us meet kids where they are — not where we expect them to be.
Start With Observation, Not Correction
When a child resists sharing, it’s tempting to jump in with a correction:
- “You have to share!”
- “Don’t be selfish.”
But this can create shame and confusion.
Instead, observe and gently name what’s happening:
- “You really love that truck, and it’s hard to let someone else play with it.”
- “I see you’re not ready to give that up yet.”
This tells the child that you see and understand their feelings, which is the foundation for teaching behavior change.
Set the Stage for Sharing at Home
Children need low-pressure opportunities to practice sharing before it’s expected in social settings.
Try:
- Taking turns with toys: “I’ll roll the ball to you, and then you roll it back to me.”
- Cooking together: “I’ll stir the batter, then it’s your turn.”
- Games with clear turn-taking: like puzzles or memory cards.
These moments teach patience, fairness, and the joy of cooperation.
Use Positive Language and Modeling
Instead of simply instructing children to share, model it consistently:
- “I’m sharing my snack with you because I care about you.”
- “Daddy and I are taking turns with the TV remote.”
Also, praise specific sharing moments:
- “That was kind of you to give your friend a turn.”
- “You waited patiently and then shared your toy. That’s what good friends do!”
This builds internal motivation rather than compliance from fear of punishment.
Introduce the Idea of “Taking Turns”
For very young children, the concept of “sharing” can be too abstract. It’s often more effective to introduce “taking turns” first. Taking turns gives structure:
- “You can play with the doll for 5 minutes, and then it will be your cousin’s turn.”
Using a timer or visual countdown can help kids anticipate and feel in control of the transition.
Respect Ownership and Personal Space
Some toys are just too special to share, and that’s okay. Children deserve a few “safe” items they don’t have to part with.
Teach your child:
- “This is your special toy. You don’t have to share it today.”
- “Let’s put it away if you don’t want others to play with it.”
This prevents power struggles and reinforces respect for boundaries — theirs and others’.
Use Stories and Role Play
Books and storytelling can be powerful tools to normalize sharing. Choose stories where characters struggle with and eventually enjoy sharing. Then, act out similar scenarios with stuffed animals or puppets:
- “Teddy doesn’t want to share the crayons. What can we say to help him?”
- “What would you do if your friend didn’t want to share?”
These playful reenactments make lessons more memorable.
Keep Calm During Conflicts
Even with the best preparation, fights over toys will happen. When they do:
- Stay neutral. Don’t take sides.
- Separate the children if needed and talk to each one individually.
- Reaffirm limits: “I can’t let you grab toys from others.”
- Re-teach after the moment has passed: “Next time, you can say, ‘Can I have a turn?’”
Children need time, repetition, and guidance to master emotional regulation.
Encourage Empathy
Once your child begins to understand emotions, you can start building empathy:
- “How do you think your friend felt when you didn’t let them play?”
- “How do you feel when someone shares with you?”
Empathy helps children connect emotionally to the experience of others, which makes sharing feel more meaningful and less like a sacrifice.
Final Thought: It’s a Journey, Not a One-Time Lesson
Sharing is a learned behavior, not a fixed trait. It takes practice, patience, and maturity — and it evolves as your child grows.
Rather than demanding sharing, foster an environment where kindness, empathy, and fairness are modeled and celebrated. Over time, your child will begin to share not just because they have to — but because they want to.
